Being Wanted by a Man Is Not an Achievement. Shocking, We Know.

Sophie Maskell

10 hours ago

3 min read

Like countless individuals before me, I have finally realised my low-commitment, long distance, casual humiliationship may, indeed, not be particularly interested in me. Countless friends have attempted to convince me that I can do better (thank you Lucy, for your endless patience over the past year of emotional meltdowns). As many people stuck in the teenage mindset do, I buried my head in the sand and refused to acknowledge my own feelings, as well as those of the other person involved.

So, now we’ve embraced the reality of the situation, what’s next? We’re going to treat this like a breakup: chocolate cake in hand, favourite music playing in headphones, getting out of the house and forgetting the former mindset. The idea of reinventing myself sounds exhausting, and honestly, what’s the point? Who are you really performing for through endless attempts at self improvement?

Luckily for us, Olivia Rodrigo has given a comprehensive list of what to avoid: men with fake jobs, passive boys and, most importantly, past mistakes. On the flip side, she recommends Vegas bars, mini dresses and vodka crans. The top of any post-breakup activity list has to include going dancing with all your best friends in those outfits you’ve been saving for a special occasion. This should be quickly followed by getting coffees the morning after and going for a wander around the park. Forget the disappointment of romantic revelations, and focus on the joy and love in friendship.

Rather than focusing on reinvention, hone in on what brings you the most happiness in your day-to-day life. This could be that new hobby you hadn’t got around to starting, or pursuing a promotion. Most importantly, it doesn’t have to be anything major. Wear an outfit you’re not quite sure of, try a new flavour of syrup in your coffee.

You may end up meeting the love of your life next week, but that isn’t the only interesting thing about you. Prioritising personal aspirations will provide more self-fulfillment than exclusively defining yourself by your romantic relationships. Let’s be honest: most of the people you’re thinking about while reading this are probably not spending as much energy thinking about you.

TikTok’s obsession with self improvement can feel exhausting at times, but you don’t have to become incredibly well-read or start pilates to find joy in putting yourself first. The first step, really, is to fall back in love with your passions from before. Everyone has dated that one person who just has to have a superior music taste, and subsequently makes you feel bad for liking pop music. Honestly, I’m one more judgemental guy away from buying the ‘hating pop music doesn’t make you deep!’ t-shirt.

A lot of the internet believes in a strong correlation between romantic success and true happiness. This can’t be entirely blamed on the modern world: as famously written in ‘Little Women’ “If the main character is a girl, make sure she is married by the end. Or dead. Either way.” This style of thinking is still entirely prevalent in more traditional families and groups. We’re taught through film and television that romantic love should be our primary goal in life, especially as women. A prime example of this is the Bechdel Test, often used in relation to film. The three criteria are: (1) it has to have at least two women in it, who (2) who talk to each other, about (3) something besides a man. Unsurprisingly, many big titles from 2026 so far fail this, including The Odyssey and Project Hail Mary. From the very first religious descriptions of humans, men and women have been joined together in romantic love, leading generations of people to pursue what they view as the ‘natural order’. For many, this makes breakups slightly more devastating: the idea that, fundamentally, there might be something wrong with you purely because it didn’t work out. There’s nothing wrong with desiring a great romantic love, but there also isn’t anything wrong with struggling to find that, or not wanting to find that at all.

The higher your expectations and self respect, the greater your chance of finding someone who truly appreciates you. Let’s be honest, having to convince yourself that someone likes you isn’t exactly the best foundation for a relationship.