Bring Back Flirting. I'm Tired of Updating My Dating Profile.

Petra Fürst

6 hours ago

3 min read

Back when people met in clubs or simply out in the real world, I was a clueless teenager who apparently thought kissing someone while tipsy and dancing in a club was more than enough. By the time I was a little older, more mature and a bit more experienced, the world had changed. More precisely, a huge part of our love lives had moved onto our phones.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, clubs in my city shut down, and by then, I was also reaching an age when I no longer had the time or energy to party every weekend.

I’ve always been someone who enjoys a little excitement in life, and sometimes even a bit of “healthy drama”, because if nothing was happening, I’d get bored. And what better way to spice up your life? (Feminists, please don’t come for me.) Dating.

I loved those early stages, before catching feelings for someone started making me a little anxious. Not always, but the beginnings were the most exciting to me: getting to know someone, waiting for a message or the first kiss.

Sometime in 2022, when I suddenly started dating more actively, my love life slowly began to fizzle out. I got bored. I didn’t want to go out every weekend, especially not just for the chance of maybe meeting someone, with a very strong emphasis on maybe.

And so, one day, I decided to swallow my pride and get on Tinder. I’m sorry to all of you who are on dating apps, but even though I would reassure myself that they were a good and quick way to meet people, I’ve never really been comfortable with them.

My extensive Tinder experience can be summed up in one sentence: it was pretty pathetic. As someone who is secretly a hopeless romantic and dreams of movie-like romance, being asked “Sex on the first date?” on Tinder made me question the entire male species. I hate bashing men, but during that period, I came dangerously close to screaming in the street: “Men are trash!!!”

Anyway, I’d struggle with Tinder for a few months, get bored and delete it. Then life would get a little boring, so I’d download it again. I’d chat with several guys, go on dates with a few of them and never end up seeing anyone long-term. And no, I’m not saying I did everything perfectly. Quite the opposite. I’m sure I wasn’t always someone’s cup of tea either. We all have different tastes.

Although the experience taught me a thing or two, all I got out of Tinder was endless texting with men who were mostly looking for sex, a racing heart before dates and sitting across from someone over drinks for far too long, knowing that in 90 per cent of cases, I would never contact them again.

People are, of course, different over the phone than they are in person. Most men simply didn’t appeal to me, either because of their personalities or their looks.

And then came the disappointment. How many more awkward first dates could I possibly go on?

But then, it was as if Samantha Jones had whispered in my ear: “Listen to me, the right guy is an illusion. Start living your life.” All in all, over time, I decided it was time to delete Tinder for good.

Without even realising it, I slowly started living my life without constantly thinking about men. In fact, I think about romance so little these days that I sometimes forget it’s even a part of life. Of course, it would be a nice addition, but I don’t really care when it happens. And honestly, it feels good to be able to say that. Life is good as it is.

And yes, two of my close friends met their husbands on Tinder. So I’m not saying dating apps don’t work. Clearly, they do for plenty of people. There are many different ways of meeting someone in modern society, and I’m certainly no better than anyone else. I just think I’d like to try doing it in a slightly more retro way.

And honestly, I’d love to experience that kind of old-school romance. The kind of love where annoying words like “situationship”, “gaslighting” and “left on read” don’t exist.

Of course, doing the inner work was necessary, and it’s something I’ve dedicated time and energy to. Even though working on yourself, as well as learning about yourself and the world, never really ends, maybe it’s time for something else. Maybe it’s time for a meeting that feels a little more like the good old days.

Meeting someone in a café or somewhere unexpected. Going for a walk, catching a concert or seeing a movie together. Letting things unfold naturally, the way they used to.