Political Compatibility Is the New Sexual Compatibility.

Karya Öner
Jul 24
3 min read

Lately, it feels like every one of my girlfriends has a partner. Whenever we meet, the conversation inevitably drifts toward relationships. Most of them have these sweet, almost cinematic stories about meeting their partners on dating apps. They admit it’s rare, but somehow it happened to them.

Meanwhile, every attempt I make at online dating turns into material for my friends’ group chat an endless sequence of absurd, tragicomic episodes that feel more like a sitcom than real life.

Still, I keep telling myself that after my last long-term relationship, I haven’t genuinely felt anything for anyone. Maybe this is just how people meet now. The idea of randomly bumping into someone and effortlessly clicking feels almost fictional at this point.

But let’s say everything else aligns. The chemistry is there, the conversation flows, you laugh at the same jokes. Then comes the question I can’t seem to ignore: politics. Especially when there’s nothing about it on their profile.

Yesterday, after months of avoiding dating altogether, I finally gathered the courage to meet someone. Everything was going well until he started defending the political system in my country that I don't support. We argued, and that was the end of the date. It ended quickly.

I’ve realized that, in today’s world, the people I’ll probably never be compatible with are the ones who proudly call themselves “apolitical.” He did exactly that.

I knew this date would probably become another funny story for my friends, but even I wasn’t expecting this. It honestly felt like the universe was trying to tell me, “Maybe just stop doing this.”

And it made me wonder: has politics become one of the most important compatibility tests in modern dating? No one is ever going to tick every single box. So is the bar now something like, “Well, at least they’re not a Zionist,” or “At least they don’t support anything truly horrifying,” while everything else becomes negotiable?

Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m personally cursed when it comes to online dating while everyone else somehow gets the happy-ending version. Or perhaps the whole idea of reducing human connection to a few photos and a swipe has always been doomed from the start.

Online Dating Is No Longer Just About Romance

Maybe that’s the real question all those awkward dates have left me with. Online dating no longer feels like it’s only about romance. It feels like a search for someone whose values, worldview, and way of moving through life resemble your own.

Sometimes I think about Before Sunrise. Two strangers meet by accident on a train and decide to spend one night walking through Vienna. They talk about childhood memories, family, death, religion, dreams, fears, past relationships, and yes—even politics. But those conversations emerge naturally, through curiosity rather than interrogation. They don’t know each other’s opinions before they meet. They discover them together, one question at a time.

Maybe that’s what I miss most. Not romance itself, but the possibility of that kind of conversation. Meeting someone without already carrying a mental checklist. Letting a person unfold instead of trying to predict whether they’ll fit into your life before the appetizers arrive.

Of course, politics matters. In many parts of the world, political beliefs are no longer abstract disagreements; they shape people’s rights, safety, and everyday lives. Some differences simply aren’t negotiable. But dating apps often encourage us to approach people as collections of traits rather than as people. The more options we have, the more reasons we find to eliminate each other.

Perhaps that’s why Before Sunrise continues to feel so radical today. Not because it tells an unrealistic love story, but because it imagines something that now feels surprisingly rare: giving another person your full attention before turning them into a category. The film reminds us that intimacy isn’t built through perfectly matching profiles. It’s built through conversation, patience, disagreement, vulnerability, and the willingness to stay curious. Maybe that’s what so many of us are really looking for, not another swipe, but a long walk with someone who makes the world feel bigger instead of smaller.