The Only Man I Need In My Life Is An Asset Manager.

Sophia Leon S.

Aug 25

5 min read

Let’s honestly talk about love, money, female friendship, and the luxury of never having to settle.

The other day, completely unprovoked, I heard myself say something that would've horrified twenty-year-old me.

"I think the only man I actually need in my life is an asset manager."

Not a boyfriend, not a husband, or even a “soulmate” - But someone who understands compound interest… Someone who can explain whether my money is sitting in the right place because, quite frankly, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

I laughed, my friends laughed. And then, somewhere between the joke and the silence that followed, I realised… It wasn't entirely a joke.

For the first time in history, millions of women are living lives that previous generations couldn't even imagine. Not because we don't value love anymore, as many mistakenly believe… It's just that we no longer depend on it for survival.

For many of our grandmothers, a husband wasn't just something they wanted. It was often an economic necessity, a social expectation. And, for many women, unfortunately their only viable option.

"It wasn't romance. It was survival… A genuine actual need…"

Our mothers came closer to having a choice, although that depended enormously on where they were born and the world they grew up in. Personally, I don't think my mother even realised opting out was an option. And to be completely frank with you, I have a strong feeling that if she'd believed it was, she would have…. 100%... Opted out…

And me? Babe, I need someone who understands index funds…

There was a time when women were told to find a good man because he was the safest investment they could make. He'd provide. He'd protect. He'd build the life, and we were expected to become part of it.

Today, many of us are building it ourselves. And for the first time, we're not the supporting character in someone else's story.

"We're the centrepiece of our own."

We buy our own plane tickets, we negotiate our own salaries, we launch our own businesses. Hey, we even move countries on a random Tuesday, because life suddenly feels too small. We don't wait for permission anymore.

"Most importantly, we don't wait to be chosen - We choose!"

And something very interesting happens when a woman realises she can create a life she's obsessed with, without waiting for somebody else's timeline, or anything else for that matter. The fear starts disappearing, not entirely of course, but juuust enough…

In the spirit of full transparency, I used to think independence was about proving I didn't need anyone. Turns out… It's much subdued than that. It's booking the Maldives or Bali simply because you feel like it. It's going with your best friend instead. It's signing another contract without waiting for someone to tell you you're ready. It's buying yourself flowers without posting them on Instagram to prove some imaginary point?! It simply means, doing whatever the fuck you want.

It's creating a life that already feels FULL. Now, nowhere did I say "perfect.” Just pretty damn full. And yes, there is a difference..

And once you've experienced that… Oh maaan… You become so incredibly difficult to impress. And not cuz’ your standards have become impossible. It's cuz’ your peace becomes so incredibly expensive.

Let me explain what I mean by that... You see, over time, you realise that peace delivers the highest return on investment. Suddenly, the things that are supposed to impress you... don't, not at all. A fancy watch doesn't impress you, neither does a sports car. (although, let's be real, I do appreciate a beautiful car, so I'll just buy it myself.)

Or, I don’t know, like a table at the hottest restaurant in town?

"Congratulations, you made a reservation. - So did I."

The truth is, material things have never really impressed me, ever. The character did, the level of humility did, true kindness did.

How someone treats the waiter when nobody's watching. How they celebrate your wins when there's nothing in it for them. How safe they make you feel to be completely yourself.

Those things have always been infinitely more attractive to me than anything money could ever, EVER, buy.

Now, if we go a little bit deeper. I believe, here's where a lot of people misunderstand women. People assume independence means we've stopped wanting love. Not even close babe...

"Most women I know aren't looking for someone to pay their bills or finance their lives."

Although, before someone rushes to the comments to tell me otherwise, I should probably add a disclaimer. I intentionally surround myself with women who are ambitious, independent, and deeply allergic to relying on someone else for their happiness. So, yes! - I realise I live in a very particular bubble and yours may look different.

What we (my bubble and I) want, is someone who celebrates our wins as loudly as we do. Someone who doesn't secretly compete with our ambition. Someone who doesn't confuse being needed with being loved - Because those are two very different things. And I think a surprising number of people still mistake one for the other.

I think we’ve all dated men who seemed incredibly supportive… Right up until the moment the woman started growing faster than they expected. Some became quieter, some became distant. Some suddenly had a problem with how much a woman worked, how often she travelled, or how ambitious she was.

The reality is, in my humble opinion, it’s not really about our success. It was about what that success represents.

"If we can build our own lives… Then what exactly is their role?"

That question says far more about them than it ever did about us.

And you know what else? The older I get, the more I realise the greatest return on investment in my life hasn't actually come from romance. It came from all the incredible women around me.

The friends who've answered phone calls in the middle of the night. Booked flights without needing a reason. Celebrated every tiny victory as though it were their own. Reminded me who I was every time life convinced me otherwise.

Nobody talks enough about female friendships.

"Society treats female friendships as the thing that happens while you're waiting for your real life to begin."

HA! It’s actually funny to even be writing this. As though your soulmate is automatically the person you date. I've really stopped believing that, because some of the greatest love stories in my life have never been romantic.

And yet… Here's an even funnier part. Despite everything I've just said… There is still one thing I cannot give myself. I can build companies, I can travel the world, I can pay my own bills. I can book the Maldives. Hell, maybe one day I'll even have enough assets to justify hiring that asset manager.

But I still can't manufacture the feeling of resting my head on someone's chest after a difficult day and knowing;

"Without having to earn it, that someone is simply glad I'm there."

And before you come for me, that isn't dependence. That isn't weakness or asking to be rescued and what not…

That to me is intimacy. Real intimacy. The kind that has absolutely nothing to do with money. So no… I don't need a man to complete my life. I want one who's capable of adding something I can't create on my own. Until then, I'll keep building the life I already love.

And if the only man who ends up becoming absolutely essential is the one managing my portfolio… Frankly, I've already made peace with that plot twist.

Cuz ending up alone has never been my greatest fear, ending up with the wrong person has.

Besides… I've got my girls, and that's an investment that's never stopped paying dividends ;)