Maybe He's Not an Asshole. Maybe He's Ovulating.

Eda Dolunay

4 hours ago

5 min read

There are certain things about the men in our lives that we all seem to encounter at least once. Maybe we just don't talk about them enough. Or maybe we've become so used to them that we've stopped questioning them.

He wakes up grumpy in the morning, starts complaining about everyone and everything, and gets irritated while getting dressed and heading to work. Even the coffee he drinks every day, exactly the same as always, suddenly gives him something to complain about. When he gets hungry, he starts yelling at the people around him. And when you ask him what's wrong, he already has the answer ready: “You wouldn't understand.”

But when a woman wakes up grumpy one day, doesn't want to get out of bed, feels irritated by everything and can't find anything to wear on her way to work, a man will often assume that her problem is her hormones. When he asks her what's wrong, he already has the answer ready. Either she's experiencing PMS or she's on her period, and he's certain that she's being hormonal.

So I started wondering: what if men actually have their own version of a period, but we simply don't call it a period? Maybe they don't have PMS. Maybe they have something we just call Irritable Male Syndrome.

And if that were true, would we call him hormonal? Or would we simply call it another bad day for a man? A few days ago, on a day when I was deep in PMS, I was experiencing some of the most intense stomach pain I had ever felt. I was genuinely miserable. My stomach was bloated, I was craving something sweet, and I was exhausted and irritable.

While I was standing in line at the checkout, waiting to buy something sweet, someone bumped into me. I reacted more irritably than I probably would have on any other day. The man who bumped into me looked at me and said, “She must be on her period.”

That evening, I cried while watching a video. Someone sitting in the same room looked at me and asked if I was being “too emotional” and whether I was on my period.

And I couldn't help but wonder: when a man punches a wall because something went wrong at work, nobody calls him too emotional. So how exactly am I too emotional for crying at a video?

When a man is tired, grumpy or clearly having a bad day at the office, everyone seems to know how to give him space. Yet somehow, when a woman behaves differently for a day, we are much quicker to blame her hormones.

And then there is ovulation. When we flirt with someone during ovulation, we might know exactly why we suddenly find everyone a little more attractive. But when a man flirts because he's horny, somehow that's still treated as the most ordinary thing in the world.

So I started wondering: what if men actually have their own version of a period, but we simply don't call it a period? What if what we call “being moody”, “having a bad day” or even “being difficult” sometimes has a biological explanation too?

Maybe they don't have PMS. Maybe they have something we just call Irritable Male Syndrome.

According to researcher Gerald Lincoln, men have hormonal rhythms too, and testosterone is one of the hormones that can fluctuate quite significantly. In fact, testosterone follows a daily rhythm. It is usually higher in the morning and gradually drops throughout the day, while sleep can bring it back up again.

So yes, a man's hormones can have an effect on his energy, libido, motivation, mood and even how easily irritated he gets.

Which made me think about something else. We have spent years calling women “too hormonal” as if being hormonal is some kind of character flaw. Women are emotional because of their hormones, angry because of their hormones, sad because of their hormones and apparently impossible to understand because of their hormones.

Meanwhile, men are often praised for being sexual, impulsive or for “thinking with their penis”, as if that is simply part of being a man. The difference is that we rarely talk about men this way. We don't look at an angry man and say, “Maybe your hormones are having a day.” We usually just say he is stressed, hungry, tired, horny or having a bad day.

Maybe men have always been hormonal. We just never thought they needed a name for it. Why would they? The concept of Irritable Male Syndrome, introduced by Jed Diamond, suggests that some men can experience irritability, anger, withdrawal, anxiety and increased sensitivity alongside hormonal changes.

According to Diamond, there are four main factors behind it: changes in testosterone, biochemical and hormonal changes, a sense of losing their masculine identity, and stress.

In other words, men's moods and behaviour can also be affected by what is happening inside their bodies, even if we don't usually talk about it that way.

And apparently, this is not a completely new idea. Gerald Lincoln observed that male sheep became more withdrawn during periods when their testosterone levels dropped significantly with the seasons.

There is also a small 1975 study that looked at testosterone levels in 20 men and found that some of them showed periodic rhythms lasting around 20 to 22 days. But it is still an interesting little piece of the puzzle.

Maybe the male period is not really a period at all. Maybe it is just a collection of hormonal changes that we never learned to recognise because we were too busy teaching women to explain every emotion through their hormones.

At the end of the day, we are both human. We both have hormones, bad days, mood swings, stress, hunger, exhaustion and moments when we simply don't want to deal with anyone.

So why are women's behaviours so quickly explained by their hormones, while men's behaviours are so often explained by their personalities?

A woman gets angry, and suddenly everyone is wondering if she is on her period. A man gets angry, and he is stressed. A woman cries, and she is too emotional. A man punches a wall, and he is having a rough day. A woman wants space, and she is hormonal. A man wants space, and he is just being a man.

Maybe the problem is not that men are hormonal too. Maybe the problem is that we have spent so long using the idea of women being hormonal as a way to dismiss them.

Maybe being hormonal was never supposed to be an insult in the first place. Maybe hormones are simply one of the many things that make us human, regardless of whether we have a uterus or a penis. Why are women's hormones an explanation, while men's are just another bad day?