The Internet Keeps Telling Men What Not To Be. So What Should They Be?

Why millions of young men are searching for meaning, connection, and belonging - and why voices like @hanny_ab are resonating right now. There is a strange contradiction at the center of modern life; We have never been more connected, and yet so many people have never felt more alone.

We carry entire social worlds in our pockets. We know where old classmates vacation, what our colleagues ate for breakfast, and who just got engaged despite not having spoken to them in years. We can instantly connect with someone on the other side of the planet, join communities dedicated to even the most niche interests, and access more information than any generation before us could have imagined.

& yet loneliness continues to rise….

Not just among the elderly, as many once assumed, not only among people living in isolation. Increasingly, loneliness is becoming a defining experience for people who appear connected, successful, social, and visible. Particularly young people…. And while this conversation affects everyone, there is one group that often seems to sit uncomfortably on the edge of it.

Young men.

For years, public conversations about men have largely revolved around what they should stop being. Stop being emotionally unavailable, stop being aggressive, stop being entitled, stop being toxic. Many of these conversations are necessary, some are long overdue. But somewhere along the way, another question quietly disappeared; If men are being told what not to be, who exactly are they supposed to become?

What does healthy masculinity look like in a world where many traditional definitions have been dismantled but no universally accepted alternatives have emerged? What does strength look like when it isn't domination? What does vulnerability look like when it isn't performative? What does purpose look like in a generation increasingly skeptical of institutions, religion, marriage, and conventional life paths?

And perhaps most importantly, what happens when millions of men are asking these questions while feeling increasingly alone? These are not abstract questions. They are questions being searched every day, questions being typed into Google at two in the morning. Questions hidden beneath videos about confidence, relationships, self-improvement, faith, and success. Questions that rarely appear exactly as they are. Because underneath "How do I become more confident?" is often a deeper question; “Am I enough?”

Underneath "How do I find a girlfriend?" is often another, “Will anyone ever choose me?”

If this sounds abstract, spend five minutes reading conversations among young men online and you'll find the same questions appearing again and again. One Reddit user put it plainly:

"As the title says what does it mean to be a man anymore. It just seems to me that there isn't a clear image of what a man looks like anymore."

It’s a remarkably simple question, yet it appears repeatedly across forums, podcasts, YouTube channels, and social media discussions. Not because young men are looking for someone to tell them how to think, but because many are trying to understand where they fit in a world that often feels increasingly difficult to navigate.

Underneath "How do I become successful?" is frequently something even more fundamental "Do I matter?"

This is the context in which creators like @hanny_ab have built communities. On the surface, Hanny is easy to understand. He's a radio presenter, content creator, storyteller, and one of the internet's most recognizable "future wife" enthusiasts. His videos are often funny, lighthearted, and optimistic. He jokes about marriage, he talks about faith, he reflects on life, relationships, confidence, and purpose.

But reducing his popularity to humor would miss something important, because what people seem to be responding to isn't simply entertainment; It's permission. Permission to talk about things many people feel but rarely admit, permission to acknowledge loneliness without shame, permission to want love without pretending not to care, permission to believe that masculinity and emotional honesty can exist in the same room.

The Joke That Revealed Something Bigger

One of Hanny's most recognizable content pillars began with a simple thought. Lying in bed one night, he found himself thinking about his future wife. Not a specific person, just the idea of her. Where she was, what she might be doing, whether she was also thinking about him somewhere in the world. The thought amused him enough to record a video and the next morning it had exploded, millions of views followed.

At first glance, it would be easy to dismiss the phenomenon as another viral internet moment. But the reaction revealed something much more interesting, people weren't merely laughing, they were relating! Thousands of comments appeared from people who recognized themselves in the sentiment. Not because everyone was looking for a spouse, but because everyone understood “longing” for one. The desire to share your life with someone, the hope that somewhere there is a person who will understand you. The belief that connection is still worth searching for despite disappointment, heartbreak, and cynicism.

In many ways, the popularity of those videos says as much about the audience as it does about Hanny. Because perhaps the most surprising thing wasn't that a man publicly admitted wanting love. Perhaps the surprising thing was how refreshing people found that honesty.

Somewhere along the way, vulnerability became deeply unfashionable, particularly for men. Modern culture celebrates ambition, independence, self-sufficiency, and achievement. We are encouraged to optimize ourselves, build personal brands, focus on our goals, and cultivate an image of having everything under control.

Wanting success is admirable, wanting status is understandable, wanting freedom is aspirational, BUT wanting love?! Wanting connection? Wanting family? - Those desires are often treated as embarrassingly sentimental… Yet despite all our efforts to appear detached, most people still want the same things humans have wanted for generations; To belong, to be understood, to be loved.

The irony is that many of the men being criticized for searching for purpose are often searching for exactly the same things women are searching for. Meaningful relationships, a sense of identity, a community that understands them, a future that feels worth building. The language may differ, the expression may differ, but the desire underneath is profoundly human.

What if this is why the conversation around men feels so frustrating? We often discuss men as a problem to be solved rather than people trying to navigate the same uncertainty as everyone else. And when people feel misunderstood long enough, they don't stop searching for answers, they simply start looking elsewhere…

A Generation Looking For Direction

Perhaps one reason figures like Hanny resonate is because they speak to a growing hunger that extends far beyond relationships. Many young men are searching for direction, not necessarily because they lack opportunities, but because they lack certainty.

Previous generations often inherited clearer roadmaps. Education, career, marriage, home ownership, family… The path wasn't perfect, but it existed. Today, that certainty has largely disappeared, for all of us regardless of gender… People are encouraged to design their own lives, create their own identities, define their own success, and build their own belief systems.

Freedom has expanded, and the consequence of that? So has confusion… For many, endless choice has not produced clarity, it has produced paralysis. The result is a generation increasingly searching for meaning in podcasts, online communities, creators, religious spaces, fitness culture, self-improvement circles, and digital mentors. Not because they are looking for someone to think for them, but maybe because they are looking for frameworks that help them think at all? This search often gets mocked, young men looking for guidance are frequently portrayed as gullible or easily influenced.

One comment from a discussion about modern masculinity captured the problem particularly well:

"The allure of these narratives comes from having 'answers' and not having to do the work of navigating a confusing array of conflicting options."

Whether those answers come from podcasts, creators, religious communities, fitness culture, or self-improvement spaces, the appeal is often the same. In a world full of uncertainty, certainty becomes attractive. And when traditional roadmaps disappear, people naturally gravitate toward anyone offering a sense of direction.

The more interesting question is why so many are searching in the first place? People rarely search for answers when they feel grounded, they search when something feels missing…

Masculinity Beyond The Extremes

One of the most striking parts of our conversation with Hanny was how little interest he seemed to have in the extremes that dominate online discussions around masculinity. The internet often presents men with two opposing caricatures. One version suggests masculinity itself is inherently problematic, the other suggests masculinity requires emotional suppression, dominance, and constant displays of strength.

& neither feels particularly human.

Hanny's perspective sits somewhere else entirely, he speaks openly about faith, discipline, responsibility, and self-respect. He values traditional ideas of commitment and family, he believes in personal accountability. But he also talks about loneliness, about emotions, about encouragement, about helping other men….

"We're human beings first," he told us. The simplicity of that statement is perhaps what makes it powerful. Because before the debates, before the labels, before the endless cultural arguments, there is a reality that often gets forgotten; Human beings need connection, human beings need purpose, human beings need community. Pretending otherwise has never worked particularly well for anyone…

The People Who Teach Us How To Believe In Ourselves

Throughout our conversation, Hanny repeatedly returned to one theme, family. Long before the audience, the followers, the radio career, and the viral videos, there were parents who saw potential before he saw it himself. His mother pushed him toward opportunities he might otherwise have avoided. His father encouraged him to experiment with content creation before he fully understood what it could become. Again and again, the story returned to people who believed in him, which is a great reminder that confidence is rarely built in isolation.

Many of the people we describe as confident are simply people who spent years receiving encouragement. People who were reminded of their capabilities until they eventually began believing in them. Perhaps this is another reason so many people are struggling today?

Belonging has become increasingly fragile, mentorship is rarer, communities are weaker. Many people are navigating adulthood without the support systems previous generations often took for granted. The consequences extend far beyond career success, they affect identity itself.

More Than An Influencer

When people talk about creators, conversations often revolve around metrics. Views, followers, engagement, reach. But do those numbers ever really explain why someone truly matters? What stayed with us after speaking with Hanny wasn't a viral video or an impressive statistic. It was the realization that his popularity reflects something much larger than content, it reflects a generation searching for hope in an age of cynicism. A generation searching for connection in an era of isolation, a generation searching for meaning in a culture increasingly obsessed with performance.

People do not follow voices simply because they are entertaining, they follow voices because they articulate something they are struggling to put into words themselves. Perhaps that is why so many people continue returning to Hanny's content. He doesn't claim to have all the answers, but he is willing to ask the questions. The questions about love, the questions about faith, the questions about purpose, the questions about belonging, the questions many people are carrying silently.

And in a world that often rewards performance over sincerity, there is something deeply refreshing about a person willing to say out loud what so many others are still trying to find the words for. Maybe that's why people keep listening…

Photo © Josh Heuston for Icon.