We Made Romantic Love More Important Than Friendship: On Women Friendships

As children, making friends is effortless. You approach someone, ask, “Do you want to be my friend?”, and a simple “yes” can turn into a lifelong relationship. Adulthood, on the other hand, is often sold as something sleek and efficient. The movies we grew up watching did not help either. An English TV broadcaster who finds the love of her life, a columnist who somehow can afford a beautiful apartment in the center of Manhattan along with forty thousand dollars’ worth of shoes, a new assistant who, for reasons unknown, ends up at Paris Fashion Week. None of it reflects the reality of what adulthood often feels like.

The truth is, no one opts into it, and it certainly does not come with a manual for surviving it, let alone a ten-step guide on how to make friends. People grow up, things happen, relationships fall apart, your soon-to-be ex-friends get busy, and suddenly you find yourself trying to navigate a concrete tsunami where loneliness becomes your own shadow.

“We’re adults! How did that happen? And how do we make it stop?Meredith Grey was onto something.

Loneliness is a tricky concept. It has no clear boundaries. One can feel as lonely in a crowded room as on a desert island, or worse, while living in a city populated by millions of people. We are, as we know, hyperconnected yet increasingly disconnected from each other. We have instant access to people, so much so that we often get frustrated when they do not reply within a thirty-second window. At the same time, we invest less in actually being with them. Even shared moments such as concerts, dinners, or conversations are often interrupted by distractions. Recording life is replacing living it.

Historically, friendship was not something we had to consciously construct. It was embedded in our routines, in schools, neighbourhoods, and recurring communal spaces that acted as weekly “third places.” Now, most of those structures are either gone or weakened. When everything is so accessible, it seems almost paradoxical that we feel so alone.

“But also a direct consequence of how modern life is designed,” 

Explains Anna Bilych, CEO and founder of Les Amis, a platform that connects women through real-life experiences.

“We’ve optimized for independence, efficiency, and convenience. Everything is on-demand, personalized, frictionless. But human relationships don’t work that way. They require time, repetition, and emotional investment.”

For Bilych, this is not an abstract observation. Les Amis was born from personal experience: moving across countries multiple times and realizing that, despite the effort, there was no real structure for making friends as an adult. Again, the manual would have come in handy.

Most social platforms are designed to capture attention rather than build relationships. Others may include a “friends” feature, like some speed-dating apps, but they are rarely effective. Endless swiping and passive consumption do not equal connection in any universe.

“It’s about the feeling that you belong somewhere,” says Bilych. “That you have a circle, a rhythm, people you can rely on. Confidence often follows connection. When you feel socially anchored, everything else becomes easier: career, creativity, even mental health.”

Despite living in a digital world, Bilych is clear about one thing: real connection cannot be fully replicated online.

“You can simulate interaction digitally, but trust, chemistry, and emotional nuance happen in person,” she says. “Micro-signals, energy, presence, those are impossible to replicate on a screen.”

Technology may increase the probability of a meaningful match, but the relationship itself only happens in real life. The decision to make Les Amis intentionally women-only shapes the entire dynamic of the community. Female friendship, in particular, has often been treated as secondary, even though women are statistically more likely to experience depression. Perhaps because, beyond the demands of adulthood, the pressure of being a career woman, navigating a patriarchal society, and experiences such as motherhood leave even less space for friendship.

In reality, female friendship is a powerful support system. “It impacts confidence, decision-making, and resilience. When women have strong social circles, they take more risks, build more, and stay longer in challenging environments.” The world does not always make space for women’s friendships. Perhaps because, in many ways, they are a form of power.

It is almost sad that we need an app to make friends. But it is also reassuring that technology can be used to recover something inherently human: connection. And what we need now, more than ever, is precisely:

“a living community of women who show up for each other in real life.”

Charlotte York once said that her friends were her soulmates, and maybe she was right.